“Do you think you’ll stay in the city long-term?”
It’s a question I get pretty regularly—on first dates, talking to recent acquaintances—ok, basically any time I’m getting to know someone. I’m not sure how ubiquitous the question is for people living in different parts of the world. For me and most people living in New York City, it is a truth universally acknowledged that, upon meeting someone new, one must inquire how long that person has been in the city, what neighborhood they live in, and what brought them here.
I find the question, and many future-focused questions, challenging. For one thing, I never thought I’d live in NYC, much less that I’d live here for 5.5 years and like it. I never thought I’d study singing at the graduate level. I never thought I’d become an entrepreneur. Life has taken many-an unexpected turns. For another, the future is filled with an infinite number of variables making it challenging for me to commit to an answer.
Mayhaps this is relatable to you. Whether by choice or happenstance, you’ve ended up in a place around particular people. You might feel great about that, or you might wake up wondering how you got there and if it’ll ever change. I’m not sure what exactly your deal is. BUT, if you’ve ended up here, it’s likely because you’re presently going through life solo.
If you’re like me, you’ve heard people talk about the freedom people in our position have to make life choices and plans without basing them around a partner. At the same time, you might feel like your future is a big question mark. If you do meet someone, that would add a whole host of other variables into the mix of planning for the future. And yet, you don’t think you can bank on that happening. You might not want it to happen. Or, for any number of reasons, you’ve decided it’s not in the cards for you.
Regardless of where you fall on that spectrum, planning for the future as a single person can be complex. Emotionally, financially, logistically, relationally, spiritually—there are an infinite number of directions our lives might head. And if the main models from our lives were maneuvering through life with a spouse, it might be hard to imagine how to do so without one.
We wonder if we’ll ever be able to purchase a home, get out of debt, or establish financial stability on our own. We wonder if we even know what we want, much less what decisions to make to work toward what we want. We wonder how rooted we can be in our right-now lives when we don’t feel part of a family unit. We wonder how many more friendships we can invest in when our friend group keeps shifting.
Maybe your life looks very different than you thought it would, and it’s throwing you for a loop as you think about the future. Maybe it feels easier to not want or expect anything so you’re not disappointed. Maybe the grief of what your life could have been is making it difficult to think about what your life might be.
If any of that resonated with you, you’re in the right place! We are about to embark on a 4 week journey exploring what it looks like to plan for the future as someone who is single. We’re getting practical and cerebral. There will be a week on finances, a week on relationships, a week on wanting, and a week on hope. Not necessarily in that order. If y’all are super into it, let me know what else you’d like to talk about and we’ll keep the ball rolling!
Check out my recent blog posts!
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