How To Make Your Own Holiday Traditions When Single
I love novelty as much as the next gal, but there’s something grounding about traditions. Having rituals that root us in our lives and help us mark time is part of being a person. The tricky bit comes when we feel the pull between our inherited traditions and the ones we make for ourselves.
When two people join their lives together, such as in marriage, it is expected that they will form traditions. They split holidays, decorate the tree on a certain weekend each year, or get hot cocoa and drive through the neighborhood with all the lawn decorations. This is the way of things.
We single folks might have a harder time coming up with a definitive moment where we leave some traditions behind and take up our own. I think it’s perfectly natural to do so. It’s a way of distinguishing ourselves from our family of origin and rooting ourselves in our separate adult lives.
Because we are on a non-traditional path, it might seem less acceptable to branch out on our own. Perhaps we feel guilty about doing our own thing. Maybe we feel sad that we aren’t creating these traditions with the family we thought we’d have.
Whatever your big feelings are, there is no rule that says you have to wait until you have a partner to have your own grown-up Christmas tradtions. You are a grown adult person and you get to decide what's important to you and what isn't. Whether you are basically Buddy the Elf or Ebeneazer Scrooge, your participation in Christmasy festivities is up to you. There are simple ways you can ground yourself and create meaningful rituals that you do solo or invite pals to share in. Not sure where to start? Never fear, pals. Here are 5 ideas for making your own Christmas traditions.
Look at what you're already doing
As Dr. Therapist says, "Let's start where you are." Take a second to sit down and thing about some of the things you typically do during the holiday season. Is there a particular place where you go Christmas shopping? Do you decorate or nah? Are there holiday festivities in your town or city that you make sure to pop by? Make a list and think about what's working for you and what isn't.
Chase the Fun
This is a phrase I borrowed from Annie F. Downs (AL- highlight her name, hyperlink to her website, then delete this). With all that's overwhelming about this season, it's important we make time for fun. Now that you've decided what isn't working and what you can take off your plate, you get to add the things you'd actually look forward to each year. Do you love decorating? Is there a tree-lighting evening in your town? Some areas have a neighborhood that's known for its Christmas lights, so what if you make a big batch of cocoa and drive through it with some friends and your pup? There are tons of low or no-cost ideas for incorporating fun and inviting your people into it.
Decide what is meaningful
Now is a great time of year to give back via volunteering or donating. Think about a cause that is meaningful to you and think about a way you can contribute. Maybe it's a clothing drive you can donate an extra coat to. Or maybe your local soup kitchen. Caroling at a senior center. I guarantee your community has organizations doing incredible things that are looking for people to help out this time of year. This is a great way to channel your own big feelings into connecting compassionately with others.
Invite yourself into other people's traditions
Odds are your people have traditions they do, even if they haven't taken time to name them. While some people might be protective of family time, I'd wager that they would love to include you. My family loves it when I bring friends with me for the holidays. I personally love adding friends onto any of my holiday traditions. Even things like holiday shopping are more fun with pals. Instead of worrying if they'll think you're a burden, consider the possibility they want to invite you to things but are assuming you might not be interested. When in doubt, remember that it's their job to say no and set boundaries. It's not your job to do that for them (unless you've already had a boundaries convo, obviously).
Decide what expectations you can let go of
Pals, this is a busy crazy time of year. Odds are you're overwhelmed and trying to keep your head above water. You don't need to make Christmas a whole big thing if you don't have the capacity. Maybe the best you can muster is giving yourself a few hours to be a goblin on your couch with Christmas movies and some festive cookies. If you're of the Jesus-y persuasion, remember that a big point of this holiday is to celebrate that God wanted to be with us so much that God came to us. Being a human person with all the human feelings, Jesus experienced all the human feelings and is a great companion in those feelings with you. There's enough pressure and emotion this time of year. No need to add unreasonable expectations to make a million new traditions on top of that.
What are some of your traditions? Where are you saying "no, thanks"? Leave a comment! The people want to know (it's me. I'm the people).
