Navigating Non-Affirming Church Spaces as a Queer Person

A listener asked a profound question about how to leave a non-affirming church space when the community has been loving for the most part. 

Leaving a non-affirming church is a multifaceted issue. Many of us have experienced love in these spaces in different ways. However, what one person perceives as loving can be harmful to another. It's essential to recognize and validate our feelings and experiences in these environments.

For me, coming out was a long journey. I involved two people from my church: one who aligned with the church's non-affirming beliefs and another who was affirming. This dual perspective helped me navigate my sexuality. However, once I understood myself and realized my beliefs didn't align with the church, the decision to leave became clear but complicated.

The Decision to Leave

I had been part of my church for six and a half years, forming deep connections and finding a home there. However, as I grew and explored my beliefs and sexuality, I realized that I couldn't be fully myself in that environment. The church's stance on same-sex attraction and my personal convictions didn't align. Continuing to be a member meant risking spiritual discipline, which wasn't fair to me or the church.

The Leaving Process

Leaving was complex and, at times, traumatic. Despite the support I had, including from a queer Christian organization, the process of being removed from membership was unnecessarily difficult. The lack of reciprocal relationships with church leaders made it even more challenging. They felt entitled to personal information that I wasn't comfortable sharing.

The Mental Health Toll

Navigating a non-affirming church space as a queer person takes a significant mental health toll. Being in an environment that doesn't accept you fully can be incredibly draining and harmful. It's crucial to build a support system and find communities that understand and affirm your identity.

Advice for Others

If you're considering leaving a non-affirming church, here are some thoughts from a mental health perspective:

Build a Support System

Surround yourself with people who understand and support you. Having a community, especially a queer community, can provide immense support and healing.

Set Boundaries

It's important to set boundaries and protect your mental health. You don't owe anyone explanations or personal details that you're not comfortable sharing.

Recognize the Complexity

Acknowledge the complexity of your situation. It's okay to feel a mix of emotions about leaving a place that has been part of your life for a long time.

Seek Professional Help

Consider seeking help from a mental health professional who can provide guidance and support as you navigate this challenging process.

Conclusion

Leaving a non-affirming church space is a deeply personal and complex decision. It's essential to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Remember, you deserve to be in a space where you can thrive and be fully yourself.

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P.S. This text was repurposed from my audio track of a podcast episode. It was reformatted with the help of Chat GPT for conciseness, clarity, and ease of consumption. Everything in this blog post comes from my actual words, and I, an actual human, edited and posted them. I take full responsibility for these words. If you’d like words by me that are untouched by a robot, check out my Substack!