Finding Connection in Unprecedented Times: The Power of Found Family
If you've been on the internet lately, you've probably come across memes expressing a desire to no longer live in unprecedented times. We yearn for some precedented times, please and thank you. If you haven't seen these memes, you might not be a millennial. This generation came of age during 9/11, multiple recessions, and the rise of the internet and social media, leading to a collective anxiety.
No matter your generation, you've likely noticed that things are turbulent right now in America. As I record this, we're dealing with the aftermath of an alleged assassination attempt and the anticipation of a high-stakes presidential election. That's just the domestic scene. If you're listening to this podcast, you're probably also deeply concerned about the crisis in Gaza.
The Challenge of Staying Engaged
Don't worry, I won't dive into political commentary. That's not my lane. But if you're like me, it's hard to keep the political climate and uncertainty far from your mind. In our capitalistic reality, we still have to work, pay rent, buy groceries, cover medical bills, and more.
With so much happening, a natural response is to shut down and go into survival mode. We might focus on our immediate family, isolate ourselves, or lash out. Some might turn to doom scrolling, desperately trying to disconnect from the chaos. If you're single, you might notice your friends with families becoming more insular. If you're queer, you might sense your church community becoming less open.
I often feel absurd sitting down to create social media content, write, and develop new projects when the world seems to be burning. The blank page feels even more intimidating under the weight of feeling insignificant. In a world full of voices, adding mine can seem ridiculous and audacious.
The Importance of Found Family
Yet here I am, sitting in front of a microphone, speaking to you. Despite everything, I believe what I have to share can be life-saving. I've heard from people I've spoken to on this podcast and in my life about the profound impact of our conversations. I've lived the ways it's saved me. Even when the world feels like it's burning, found family matters. Reaching out and connecting deeply with our safe people matters. Letting ourselves connect with new people in new spaces matters. Here are three reasons why.
Found Family Keeps Us Grounded and Human
For those of us prone to overthinking, unprecedented times can send us spiraling. Our brains have endless fodder to keep us stuck in our heads and numb to our humanity and the humanity of others. In these moments, I just want to curl up on my couch, alone, and binge-watch Ru Paul—can I get an amen? Some days, that's exactly what I need.
This past Thursday, after a week of feeling overwhelmed and convinced nothing I was doing mattered, the last thing I wanted to do was leave my apartment. The heat wave added to my reluctance. But I had committed to leading a discussion at my queer Bible study, and backing out would have left the other leader in a tough spot.
Reluctantly, I headed to the subway. As soon as I walked through the door of the meeting space, I felt more at ease. I smiled at familiar faces, heard about their weeks, and shared about mine. We ate together, discussed the Bible passage, and I shared some of my struggles with a friend. When I left, I felt less drained and more like myself.
Found family includes the people who help bring us back to ourselves. Time with them revitalizes us. As past podcast guest Lyvonne Briggs says, they're the people "with whom our souls can slouch." We can come as we are and be as we are. These connections force us out of our isolated bubbles, moving our feet and grounding us in the present.
Found Family Challenges the Myth of the Self-Sufficient Nuclear Family
If you're listening to this, you're probably queer and/or not married. Your household might not fit the idealized hetero couple with 2.5 kids. There's a myth that all our relational needs can be met within the nuclear family and that society would crumble without it. This puts immense pressure on spouses and children and makes those without a nuclear family feel unsuccessful and unsuitable for society.
Hopefully, you're questioning this individualistic, white supremacist-rooted myth. The nuclear family isn't bad, but it's always been insufficient. One adult human cannot and should not be expected to be everything to another. If you're single, queer, have complicated family dynamics, or come from a non-white American culture, you likely prioritize relationships differently.
In a time when some people double down on the "nuclear family is everything" narrative, found family offers a different perspective. It alleviates pressure, breaks down insular barriers, and celebrates the ways we show up for each other. It helps us see that all our hopes don't have to be pinned in one place.
Found Family Empowers Us and Keeps Us Hopeful
The act of finding family helps us reclaim our agency and reinforces faith in something outside ourselves. We choose who we give our time to and how we show up for each other. At the same time, there's a sense of wonder in the connections we make. How did we cross paths with these wonderful people? What factors aligned for us to meet and choose each other?
Of course, building found family takes effort. It involves prioritizing relationships, going to therapy, and healing so we can show up for our friends. It costs time and money and requires us to say no to other things. Each step affirms and builds our sense of agency.
Building found family also invites us to stay hopeful. Not in a way that bypasses reality, but in a way that reminds us we are not alone. While humans are limited and will disappoint us, our found family can surprise us. And I can't think of a better time to be surprised by hope than now.
Even in unprecedented times, found family matters. The audacious act of reaching out and connecting deeply with safe people matters. The hopeful act of letting ourselves connect with new humans in new spaces matters. Found family keeps us grounded, challenges harmful myths, and empowers us to stay hopeful. We need these connections now more than ever.
What do you think?? Leave a comment and let the people know!
P.S. This text was repurposed from a podcast script. It was reformatted with the help of Chat GPT for conciseness, clarity, and ease of consumption. Everything in this blog post comes from my actual words, and I, an actual human, edited and posted them. I take full responsibility for these words. If you’d like words by me that are untouched by a robot, check out my Substack!
